1. Wait, What? re-pitch
Here’s the useful part: the water looks good for a swim at [Beach]. This page is based on the beach report from [sample date].
Swim editorial room
Three ways to tell the lake story.
Short, conversational drafts for the beach page. Square brackets mark data that would be filled from water-quality and beach-observation records.
Opening paragraph
Nine ways in
2. Air-style conversation
the water looks good for a swim at [Beach]. we’re looking at [sample date]’s beach report.
3. ASD-STE100 simplified English
The water at [Beach] is good for swimming. This page uses the beach report from [sample date].
4. Back-pocket friend
Packing a towel for [Beach]? Here is your one useful fact: the water looks good for a swim. This page uses the beach report from [sample date].
5. Playful and social
Beach plans are on. The water at [Beach] is looking good for a swim. The report here is from [sample date].
6. Spare and observant
[Beach] is looking good for a swim. The report on this page is from [sample date].
7. Now Toronto-inspired service story
Toronto is having one of those days: hot pavement, full patios and a strong urge to get into Lake Ontario. At [Beach], the water is looking good for a dip. The report here is from [sample date].
8. blogTO-inspired local news
Good news for anyone looking to cool off: the water at [Beach] looks good for a swim. This page is based on the beach report from [sample date].
9. Apple-inspired web copy
Made for a good beach day. The water at [Beach] looks good for a swim. The beach report is from [sample date].
Full article
Three complete treatments
Version 1
Now Toronto
Now Toronto-inspired service journalism · Short sentences, a familiar Toronto scene, then the useful detail.
Toronto is having one of those days: hot pavement, full patios and a strong urge to get into Lake Ontario. At [Beach], the water is looking good for a dip. The report here is from [sample date].
That report is about E. coli, a bacteria that points to fecal contamination. In plain English: poop. Rain runoff can bring it into the lake. So can waterfowl. Toronto’s gulls and geese may be having a great beach day, but their droppings can raise bacteria levels.
The report is not minute by minute. Check the beach notice before you go in, especially after a storm, because water can change quickly.
The easy rule: wait 24 to 48 hours after heavy rain. If the water is churned up and you cannot see your feet at waist depth, wait it out. Do not swallow the water. Then get back to your beach day.
Version 2
The friend who checked before leaving
Warm, calm and practical · A friendly beach-day answer with the caveats a good friend would mention.
Thinking about a swim at [Beach]? The water looks good for it. This page is based on the beach report from [sample date]. The water is [water temperature]. Pack a towel, but take a look at the signs when you get there.
A quick bit of lake translation: E. coli is how public-health teams look for signs that poop has reached the water. It can come from rain runoff, pet waste, or the gulls and geese sharing the beach with us. Cute birds. Bad beach-water roommates.
This is a useful report, not a live camera on the lake. Look at the water too. If you cannot see your feet in waist-deep water, skip the swim for now.
And after a big rain, give the lake a day or two. The picnic, the walk and the ice cream are all still excellent beach plans.
Version 3
blogTO-inspired local news
Fast, local and a little playful · Leads with the good news, then gives the one thing that can change the plan.
Good news for anyone looking to cool off: the water at [Beach] looks good for a swim. This page is based on the beach report from [sample date].
The small catch is that Lake Ontario has a mind of its own. Heavy rain can wash bacteria into the water, and the gulls and geese at the shore do not exactly help. Yes, we mean their poop.
That is why beaches are checked for E. coli. It is a useful clue that fecal contamination may be in the water. It does not tell us exactly where it came from, but it is enough to know when the lake needs a break.
Before you get in, read the beach notice and look at the water. If rain has just hammered the neighbourhood, save the swim for another day. You can still have a very solid beach afternoon from the sand.